Celebrating Each Other on Thanksgiving
Sharing Wisdom, Legacy, and Joy
Thanksgiving Traditions
What is it about Thanksgiving that is special for you? Is it the food, people, places, events associated with this last Thursday in November holiday? This blog post is personal. The number of Thanksgivings left on my mother’s bingo card is limited. Thanksgiving celebrations are top of mind after my recent visit with mom. My wish for your gathering is to include and engage your older adult guests with open ears, a curious mind and a kind heart.
Families
There are more generations alive today than in any other time in human history. Our birth rate fell to 1.1 births per thousand. The size of an American family dropped to 3.1 by 2022. In fact, our country is graying before our eyes, the fastest growing demographic is the 75 years and old population. I am including a button in case you want to geek out on these demographic changes.
Large Gatherings May be Challenging for Senior Adults
I gained some important insights on my recent caregiving stay with my mother. You will need some background for this story. My mother raised seven children. She was married over fifty years. She has been widowed for fourteen years living alone four hours west of where she raised her family and grew up herself.
Ten members of our family gathered for lunch and an afternoon visit at her place. In all, four generations of family members spent the afternoon together. For lunch, she sat at the head of the table. She had eyes and ears on the entire crew. Within minutes, she was overwhelmed by the wide-ranging loud conversations happening at the table. She raised her arms and announced that everyone should “turn the volume down” on the table chatter. I watched her face twist in anguish as she attempted to focus on one conversation while blocking out all the other activity. After four hours of the visit, she was happy to say good-bye to her guests and return to her quiet life. She took a two-hour nap.
The Push and Pull of Aging
My mom’s reaction represents a potential reaction of your senior guests at Thanksgiving. I watched my mother as she struggled tolerate the chaos of that visit. Your guests may struggle too. My visit taught me important lessons about the push and pull of wanting control and the desire to leave a legacy during the last decades of life. My mother wanted to be heard and pass on her experiences to save younger generations some of the painful lessons she endured. I suspect some of her frustration came from wanting to reprimand some of the youngsters but her time for parenting has long passed. In her mind, she wanted to rise up from her seat, but her declining health and mobility had her pinned down. The visit, I believe, made her sad thinking about those who should be present but have passed. In all, I felt like my mother wanted to return to her honored place of authority, vitality and the bygone days and the people she loved and lost.
Thanksgiving Suggestions For Your Oldest Guests
Your guest may be like my mother who struggled to maintain control in situations where her ability and influence are diminished. There is not a stage in our lives where we do not change. The issue with our last decades is not our own changes but the younger generations adjustment to our reality. Think of the role reversals when parents and grandchildren become caregivers of their older family members. Here are my recommendations for Thanksgiving Day joyous for your guests.
